Sweet Girl

Last night as we were sitting down to dinner, Keeley got out of her chair and walked over to where Kelly was sitting.  She gave him a hug and said "I like when you are home."  Is that not the sweetest thing ever?

Elevator

I had to go to the doctor yesterday afternoon for a check on my leg.  I knew it would be a super fast appointment (we were out in less than 10 minutes) so I didn't worry about bringing the girls with me.  As we were waiting for the elevator to take us down, the girls were sitting on a bench looking out at the parking lot.  When the elevator started approaching our floor, I said "come on girls.  it is almost here."  Kayden immediately, and surprisingly, came right to my side and then turned to Keeley and said "come on Teeley.  come on!"  Keeley's response was "no".  Just then the elevator door open and Kayden ran in.  I stuck my foot in the door to keep it open and tried to convince Keeley to get in too.  She was about 5 feet away so I didn't want to risk going to get her and losing the elevator with Kayden inside.  I also didn't want to grab Kayden and have to wait for another elevator only to have this same scene repeat.

As I held my foot there, I wondered how many more second I had before the elevator started getting angry at being held open.   Just as that thought crossed my mind, I heard dialing and saw that Kayden had pushed the emergency call button.  Fortunately (?), the dialing motivated Keeley to get in to the elevator.  I then had to spend the entire four floor ride down trying to keep the girls to not push the button again.  Good times.

Bad Day at School

The girls were a bit grumpy and woke up a little early this morning.  I almost didn't send them to school, but after a bit of food they seemed to cheer up so I sent them.

At carpool pick-up, I noticed that Kayden wasn't wearing any socks.  I asked her teacher and she said "Kayden and her friend Lily were doing the wrong thing.  They kept taking off their shoes and stepping in mud puddles.  Her socks are really wet."  Uh-oh.

Then, Kayden and I sit and wait for Keeley.  I see Keeley's class come out and the teacher try to have another teacher walk Keeley down.  BIG mistake.  Suddenly Keeley is violently shaking her head no, cowering behind her teacher, with a death grip on her teacher's leg.  When they get to the car, both teachers come and the one that had not been allowed to walk Keeley says "try to talk to her and let her know it is okay to come with me."  I told her that we had.  Then Keeley's teacher said "I have never had such a death grip on my leg.  She is a very strong willed child in certain areas."  On the way home I was talking to Keeley and telling her that she could let Mrs. Stevens walk her out to the car.  Her response, "uh-uh. no. I don't want her."  Okay then, I guess we'll keep working on that!

Perhaps I should have kept them home!  It frequently amazes me how much personality is behind these two sweet faces!

Planting

Both the girls love the garden at school.  Kelly and I have long since needed to do something with our front flower beds so we decided to involve the girls in some planting.  The weather was beautiful this weekend and the girls enjoyed the trip in pick out the flowers.  They enjoyed their gloves, hats, shovels, and kneeling pads.

They even enjoyed digging for a bit.

However, it turned in to this in less than an hour.  They are enjoying a pre-lunch snack while Kelly and I finish the planting by ourselves.

After I finished my plants, I went inside to get lunch started for the obviously hungry girls.  A few minutes later, I heard Keeley screaming.  I dropped everything I was doing and ran out front (even though I knew Kelly was out there - that is how terrified/hurt she sounded).  When I got out there, she was still sitting exactly where you see her above but it turned toward the front door horrified and holding out her hand.  A small bug had landed on her finger.  I don't suppose a life of outdoor activities will be in her future!

Park Playdate

We met up at the park with some friends for a playdate.  I'm not sure the play equipment or friends were really necessary though.  My girls would have been content to just play by the water - which drove this Mom crazy!  Look how much fun they had though! 

 After this playdate, I decided that this particular park will be one that we only go to if Kelly and I can both be there.  I definitely needed back up on the waterfront! (and, no, I didn't take the pictures!)

Easter

We had a lot of fun for Easter this year.  Both the girls really got into the egg hunting (or "bear hunt" as they continue to call it, even with correction!).  Their true personalities showed as well.  Keeley was cautious in scoping things out, walked slowly, often shared her eggs with Kayden...

Kayden, as with everything in life, went full speed ahead!

She quickly figured out she got a much better haul if she had Mom hold her basket or put it down so she could load up and run faster with armfuls of eggs at a time.

They both had big baskets full of eggs to open and enjoyed some playtime with Oma and Grandma after!

Curls

I can honestly tell you that I am still shocked every time I see her curls!  I just don't understand!  Apparently my father in law was similar as a little one too.  It is adorable, I'm just not really sure to handle it as I don't have curly hair at all.  It is a little sad when Keeley says "I want hair like Kayden."  I'm sure lots of people do!

Also, if you'll look closely, you might notice that there are some white streaks on her face.  She likes to apply her own sunscreen before school now!

Holding Babies

After Kendrick died, we received the book "We were gonna have a baby, but we had an angel instead".  It is a very sweet book, but I honestly thought it was a little beyond my girls.  We've talked about Daddy/Poppy's death a lot and we didn't hide Kendrick's death.  The girls knew before Kelly did, actually, because they were there in the ultrasound room when realized he no longer had a heartbeat and I started to cry. We have talked about Kendrick a lot.  For several weeks after he died, the girls would talk about the "baby in Mommy's tummy" and I would have to remind them that he was in Heaven now with Poppy.  Regardless, we've read the book because my girls love to read and it is appropriate, I just didn't think they would really understand it all.  I was wrong.
 
A couple of our closest friends have had babies this year.  My best friend gave birth to twins 3 days after I delivered Kendrick.  As I'm sure you can imagine, the sadness and grief I feel is certainly stronger around these tiny babies.  I haven't been able to hold them.  I will look at them and touch them, but I can't actually hold them in my arms.

Easter weekend, we went over to my best friend's house for dinner and and Easter egg hunt with her older kiddos.  We were there a long time.  It was the first time that I had held a newborn since Kendrick died.  At first, my girls were really upset by this.  They both told me to put him down.  By the end of the evening, however, Keeley asked if she could hold the baby that I was holding.  I said "Sure.  We'll need to sit down on this seat and you can sit in my lap.  We'll hold him together."

She did just that and it was adorably sweet.

The next night, we were reading the Angel book at bedtime.  A little ways into it, there is a picture of the mom in a rocking chair. Keeley said, "Do they have seats in heaven?"  I responded with, "I'm sure they do.  Lots of them.  Why?"  She looked at me and said "So I can hold baby Kendrick when I get there."  I told her that we could both hold him when we got there.

Grieving is hard.  Children are so pure.  I'm so touched that she has a connection with Kendrick even though she never got to hold him here.

Why?

I'm sure anyone with a three year old has heard that question at least a million times.  I've tried to get better in planning my answers so that I will have answers to more of the "whys?" instead of running out quickly and having to say that I don't know so fast.  Last night our "why" conversation in the rocking chair really made me laugh.

Keeley:  Are you crying? Are these tears?  (as she points to tears on my cheeks)
Me:  No.  Sometimes when I'm really tired and yawn really big my eyes water. I'm just really tired tonight.
Keeley: Why do your eyes water?
Me: I don't know baby.
Keeley: Why don't you know?
Me: I don't know everything, just lots of things.
Keeley: Why don't you know everything?
Me: Only God knows everything.
Keeley: Why does God know everything?
Me:  Because God created and everything so he has all the answers.
(thoughtful pause from Keeley)
Keeley: Ask him, okay?
Me: Ask him why my eyes water when I'm tired?
Keeley: Yes.  Ask him when you get to Heaven.  Okay?
Me:  Okay, baby.  I'll ask him when I get to Heaven.

I can think of a few questions that are probably a little higher on my list of questions for God, but I will certainly add "why do my eyes water when I'm tired" to the list for a very inquisitive three year old!

Growing Up

Yesterday I was frustrated by the state of our life lately.  The girls have been demanding - but that is their age.  Today I realized that life with kids really does fly by so fast and, while the constant demands of young children is certainly a challenge, I will be so sad when I no longer feel as needed.  Yes, I will enjoy that I can take a shower/eat/use the restroom all by myself.  But I'm starting to feel as though that enjoyment will quickly be replaced with a sense of sadness that I have lost my little companions.

Because she has been having such a rough time after school and is now a little sick too, I wanted to watch her for a while today while she was in class.  It is so wonderful that I can peak into her world and observe her interactions with her peers.  She was working hard, loving on her friends, and moving independently about the room.  I sat there watching her and realized how independent she already is.  The class received a lesson in the Last Supper and I watched her absorb the lesson and realized how much of her world she already understands.

When we got home, the girls had their picnic lunches and then Keeley told me that she was going to have her picnic and rest time until her light turned yellow (clock telling her when she can come out of her room).  She closed the door and has been in there for an hour and a half now.  I never would have expected her to put herself down for a nap on her own but that is exactly what she did.  It is nice, but I am a little sad that we didn't have our time in the rocking chair.  I guess I didn't realize I was already being phased out :-(