Control Freak

I am perpetually confused as to how my daughter does not like a schedule. Her mother is so fond of them, you'd think that fondness would pass on to her daughter. It has not. Keeley went down at 7 last night and woke up at 7:30 today. That would have been great except that she was awake a good portion of the 3 o'clock hour. Stupid, stupid teeth. The only blessing in this FOREVER long process with the teeth is that she only has 6 more that she has to get. She is working on her last two molars and bottom two canines. So, I think we just have the top two canines and her two year molars. 14 down and 6 to go, definite progress.

Anyway, her late wake up time (for her at least) caused a short morning nap (about 30 minutes). And now she has been napping for 2 hours this afternoon - much longer than normal. I am supremely thankful she is sleeping because I know she is miserable with these teeth and she needs the sleep. It is just so hard to have any sort of plan for life when you never know what the schedule might be.

I also realize that in the midst of all this sleep interrupting teething, we will be dropping one of our naps and moving to just one. I've heard this is quite a process. It will be interesting to see how Keeley handles it. Yesterday, she woke up after 11 hours of sleep at 6:30 and took her first 45 minute nap after 4 hours of being awake. Today, she woke up after 12.5 hours of sleep and took her first 30 minute nap after having been awake for just at 2 hours. I see no sort of correlation between the timing of those two days.

Becoming a mother has taught me many things about life and about myself. I think the most important one so far is that I am not in charge - of anything. I cannot control when she eats or sleeps. I cannot control what she chooses to eat. I cannot even predict how she might react to certain situations. I cannot assume that just because she has been sleeping for 12 hours straight every night that she will tonight.

These are hard lessons for someone that is very used to having life very well mapped out. I thought that because I viewed scheduling as important for myself and for a child, that we would have a schedule. This schedule would be one that I determined based on observing said child and figuring out what was best for her.

This is, apparently, not how being a mom works. I've realized it is my job to do the best I can to provide a healthy and safe environment for her but that I can't make her do anything. It is a humbling experience to spend your days with a little one who is so strong willed and independent minded. Each time my mom tells me that Keeley is a lot like I was as a child, I feel as though I should apologize and thank her all over again.

In the midst of this lack of schedule and constant ugly face at the foods I give Keeley to eat, I keep reminding myself that she WILL eventually have some sort of schedule and she WILL eat more than fruit, cheese, oatmeal, bread, milk, and frozen peas at some point in her life. Unfortunately for the control freak that is her mother, she controls the timing on all of that.